From prior posts you may have gleaned that I dig cake decor. Being so inclined, I've acquired loads of books on the subject, some fairly freaky. Case in point:

This little gem features an iced cardboard castle on the cover. According to the labyrinthine instructions, "You may light your castle by running your wire and sockets to each tower before icing." Stick to less than 60 watts or the whole thing might catch on fire. Which I think would be a great deal more interesting. But according to Wilton, "No matter how you do it, all the children young and old, will love you for your new creation in icing."

There it is! The key to universal admiration. From cardboard.

The Wilton company is so certain of its importance, and your interest, that it devotes many pages to company credos and numerous photos of managers and underlings in situ. Here is just a portion of the fascinating staff roster:

Check out that pile o'hair! Kinda puts the double-f in "coiffure," and you can nearly smell the Final Net. I love the guy on the lower left: "Jim Timm, Stock Boy." Sounds like a superhero alter ego. Looks like getting expelled for telling the shop teacher to stick it. And finally, that guy in the lower right: When your maintenance man is named Kevorkian, you probably shouldn't ask if he'll help you to leave early.

Here's a happy, happy graduating class of decorators. Have you ever seen so much unbridled joy and pride in achievement?

While trim and stylish Ward and June were riding herd on the Beaver, this is what average America REALLY looked like. Kinda short. Sorta doughy. And unaccountably depressed, even when surrounded by sugar. Poor conformist bastards.

But enough corporate propaganda. Let's get to the CAKES already.

Under the banner of "So Easy to Make" is a concoction that would make a tiny sugar Liberace cringe. The 13-piece set you need for this dogie leads me think it may not be all that easy to make, despite the headline. You can also make a propped-up iced cardboard lid for those occasions when a closed grand piano cake is just NOT ENOUGH.

Oh, the joys of the maypole. With what Wilton whimsically calls "Life-like Miniatures." I used to have a crapload of those little bridesmaids. If you pull off that front bow, they're fleshtone down to the waist. And buxom little tartlets they are.

What could be more charming than a gray-legged dancer flaunting her panties? One made of sugar, obviously. With drippy pink tongues slavering their approval. Perfect for a naive little girl's birthday or a depressingly tame stag party.

I realize the depth of my own mental depravity when I can't read a phrase like "special favors for your next swinging party" without unbidden thoughts of the wife-swapping "lifestyle." Anyway, here's a swinging go-go cake chock full of many fine Wilton products that can be yours for just a few dollars. Each. Still, I bet those bobble-head Beatles knock-offs are worth more than a buck ninety-eight today.

More to come...