Okay, so I've been busy. Nuff said.

And here's part of what I've been busy with:

A TRIUMPHANT THREEPEAT! (insert trumpet fanfare here)

Yes, for the third year in a row, I've taken the Best in Show ribbon for baking at the county fair. You may recall, though why should you really, that some of last year's entries weren't prepared for the blistering heat of the non-airconditioned show barn, and degraded into Dali-esque sculptures of transient goo.

This year was different. Everything could withstand the "dry" cycle of a Kenmore dishwasher, which closely approximates both the warmth and humidity of July in Nebraska.

Drumroll, please.

First, in the "Juice and Other Cake" category, we have Raspberry Cream Cake. Noted the judge: "a bit too heavy for a day like this." Oh, puh-LEEZE! Ethereal angelfood lifted to your lips by the cool breath of a woodland faerie would have been too heavy. Suck it up sister -- you've got 80 quarts of pickled okra to judge.

Result: blue ribbon!

Next, in the "Spice Cake" category. Ummm.... Spice Cake. But it looks like a basket full of leaves, and that's cool. The deal is that you get to take the cake home after the judging, and they keep a piece for display until the fair is over. The judge's assistant tried valiantly to make an artful display with a chunk o'cake and a coupla leaves, but once it was plonked on a styrofoam plate and wrapped with an old breadbag, it really didn't look like much.

Result: blue ribbon!

Then, in "White Cakes," a bridal extravaganza of White Almond Sour Cream Cake with raspberry and almond filling. They didn't want to cut into this one, since it was too pretty to eat. In my world, NOTHING is too pretty to eat. Well, maybe a snow leopard or bird of paradise. Put some frosting on them and we'll see.

Result: blue ribbon!

For "Chocolate Cakes" I submitted a Kahlua fudge cake. This cake is so freaking tasty that when I bake it for someone else, I scavenge the pan scrapings. And lick the spatula. Mighty fine.

Result: blue ribbon!

And finally, the pi�ce de resistance... the grand finale... the very big shew... in "Decorated Cakes," a blue and white fondant concoction that matches the plate it rode in on. It was meant to be something else, but the damn fondant kept ripping and I was PMSing, so after hurling a crapload of useless epithets at it, I just went with the flow... ya, it's a Zen cake, man.

Result: PURPLE ribbon!

Yee haw. So now I have a curtain of cheap, mass-produced, gold-stamped ribbons hanging in my kitchen, to constantly remind myself of my own exalted importance. And it doesn't MATTER that there wasn't a single other decorated cake entry this year. It DOESN'T. I'm FINE with that.

Really.

I AM.

Leave me alone.