What's so real about a group of liposucked and implanted bimbos vying for the attention of a vacuous idiot? They've got about as much chance for marital happiness as Courtney Love has of outgrowing her skanky phase.

Is there really any reality in a bunch of quasi-survivalists or wannabe corporate raiders fighting through a series of contrived games and scripted reactions? The biggest bitch in the bunch would have been eaten alive by half the girls in my junior high school.

And don't even get me started on "The Fear Factor." What a load of utterly unscary crap. Cuddling bugs and jumping off cliffs in a safety harness isn't real fear. Real fear is peeing on a preggers test stick and praying for the "minus" sign. Real fear is waiting on your biopsy results. Real fear is hiding under the bed and calling 911 when your drunk asshole ex is pounding on the front door.

Eating raw beef testicles ain't shit next to REAL reality.